When God says ‘NO’

For the Lord God is a sun and shield. The Lord will give grace and glory. No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. 

Today we're talking about When God says no. That's a difficult topic, isn't it? That can make or break, could change our lives, the course of our lives, when God says no. In fact, even God doesn't say no, but we think he said no. But the verse of scripture says No good thing does he withhold. There's a bit of a dichotomy there. ‘He said no to this marriage or this alliance’. ‘He said no to this opportunity or he said no to this visa’.’ He said no to this, he said no to that’. How do we deal with it? What becomes of us when God says no? What becomes of our spiritual life, our prayer life? What becomes of our relationships? What is the season or the atmosphere at home when God has said no to one of the characters at home? That and more today as we unpack this thought, this theme. 

Every believer, you, me, everyone, we desire a life filled with answered prayer every day. We want to see opportunities. We want to see God kick open doors for us. We want to see divine favour. When we go for an interview, when we go into a relationship, when we go into a new deal, a new project, a new chapter of our lives. When we go to buy a property, we want to see God's favour on our lives. Every single one of us wants that. However, there are times when God's response is not what we hoped for. And sometimes God says, ‘no’. Those are moments of great crisis. We tell God, “ I thought I was your favourite”. So how should we as followers of Christ respond when our deepest desires are denied and our plans are disrupted? I really want to get into this because my father used to say a line often when we were growing up- ‘Learn to take no for an answer’. Ouch. It's a good answer. It's a clear answer. But we don't like it. And there's so many jokes about it too. No is always negotiable. No is always if you push hard enough. It’s almost a compliment to some people, especially some guys. We think he is so persistent. He can't take no for an answer. He just gets it done, man. He's a bully who gets his own way at the cost of everybody else. He steamrolls, steps on everybody to get it on. Butin this world, he looks like a success. Why? Because he steamrolled his way and got it done anyway. Learn to take no for an answer. And when we do not learn to take no for an answer, we miss out on some great ‘yes-es’.

We can't even take no from our own loved ones. We can't take no from a family, from a friend. When someone says no, we go into some sort of a weird, you know, dark alley.  ‘Can you believe he said no to me’? He said no to me. How could he say no? So my take is, if we struggle with taking no from people, from parents, from loved ones, from the government, from jobs, from our bosses, how much more would we struggle from God, taking a no from God, whom we believe to be good, because if God is good, he should say…? It's a struggle and we all struggle with it. We won't admit it, but we just struggle with it. Most of the time we walk about sulking because we have not been able to deal with the last no. We're not able to move on. We're not able to break free. And I really want us to be free. I want us to be bigger than that.

God said no to some big guys in the Bible. He said no to Moses. Moses pleaded with him. Let me go into the Promised Land. I want to go into the Promised Land. You promised. We all set out together. I'm the leader. I want to go into the Promised Land. God said no, Deuteronomy chapter 3. But God still fulfilled his promise to Moses when during the transfiguration, Moses and Elijah, they came down and they met with Jesus. They were transfigured, transformed, and he touched foot. So he actually did enter the promised land. God kept his promise beyond time and space. 

Matthew chapter 17. Paul asked three times, he said, remove this thorn in the flesh. God responded, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 

Did you know that God the Father said no to Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane? Jesus prayed, if there is any other way, and we don't have to be parted, I don't have to die, I don't have to be separated from you… then let this cup pass from me. And the Father said, no to which Jesus said, yet not my will, but thine be done. Because of that, Jesus' request led to the salvation of the whole world. God has said no. God can say no. God will say no. 

God's no's are different. Sometimes it's a no, that's wrong. Sometimes it's a no, I have something better for you. Sometimes it's a no, not now, wait. If you get it now, it's not going to work out. Sometimes it's just, it's not going to work out for you. All of the no's that God gives are clear. Why? God has the added knowledge of foreknowledge. He has added advantage. He knows tomorrow. He knows now. He knows next week. He knows the next 10 years. He knows the next 40 years. What you really want, you don't really want 10 years from today. In fact, 10 years ago, what you wanted, you don't want today. God knows what's good for you. God knows what the future holds. God knows how that is going to take you away from him or going to destroy your life. When he says no, he says no not because of a mood, not because of a power play. He's not a supervisor or some sort of coordinator who's just kind of having a power play and saying no for the fun of saying no, just to keep you on. When God says no, with all the love in his heart, with all the goodness and all the foreknowledge, he says, no, that's not going to work out. I have a way better plan for you. That's hard in the moment, my brothers and sisters, especially when you want to marry someone or you really want a particular job or you really want to move in a particular direction or you really want a particular thing and you pray and you ask and you ask and you pray and you ask and you pray and you think, Lord, I really want this, but you, yourself, are not going to want it 10 years from today. Then you will ask him, why did you give it to me? Because the same people we consider blessing in this year, 10 years from today you’ll be like- ‘why have you given this person to me’? So God uses foreknowledge and when God says no, he has the added advantage of his foreknowledge. So he loves me and he knows my future till my dying day. He knows how things are going to pan out. The possibilities, the plausibilities and the probabilities. He knows all of that and he calculates all of that for your good. Sometimes it's a no, that won't work out well for you. So he thinks about what's eventually going to pan out and gives that to you. 

Sometimes it was always a no. What on earth were you thinking? So some ‘no-s’ can hurt. Let me give you a few reasons when and why no's will hurt. No's hurt when you're not already on the altar, when your life is not already on the altar, your life is not already a living sacrifice- ‘not my will, but thine be done’. ‘Your way, not my way’. ‘Lord, I surrender’. Galatians 2, 20. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. Many believers are nowhere near this. They celebrate Christmas, they cut cake, but they're nowhere near this. They celebrate church, they go worship, they're moved to tears with some wonderful worship songs, but they're nowhere near this. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ now lives in me. That is conversion and  many Christians need to be converted. Romans chapter 12, verses 1 and 2, a very familiar passage says- Present your bodies as a living sacrifice… this is your reasonable worship . So a living sacrifice? Yeah. That's difficult. A dead sacrifice is easy. A dead sacrifice is not going anywhere. But a living sacrifice crawls off the altar. You gotta keep dragging it back on. That's why we do Sunday church. Sunday church is to drag him back on and keep him on the altar. No’s hurt because first and foremost, to start with, we're not even on the altar. We have not already pre-decided that if it's my way or God's way, then it's going to be God's way. If there's ever a present your bodies as a living sacrifice, what do you say? This is your reasonable worship. 

Another situation where no hurts is when you're not aligned already to his purposes and his will. If you have a football match and there's two teams and one team has already decided that they are playing in that direction and that's the goal. And then you have your own team member playing in this direction for the opposing team. Then there's going to be clashes, discord, confusion within the team. Everybody on the team has to decide that that's the direction we're going in. When Jesus spoke about his coming suffering; his death and resurreciton to the disciples, Peter was like this doesn't sound good. Never, Lord. This shall never happen. Imagine saying never to your Lord two times. So Peter turns to Jesus and says, no, we don't like that plan. That's not going to work. What does Jesus say to him in Matthew chapter 6 verse 23? Jesus turned around and said to Peter, Get behind me, Satan… you do not have in mind the concnerns of God, but merely human concerns. Why? Because it is Satan primarily that is constantly playing in the opposite direction, wanting you to play in the opposite team. And then a very key statement. He says, …you do not have in mind the concerns of God. You're thinking emotionally, relationally. You're thinking feelings. ‘That's not very nice’. ‘Don't talk like that’. Jesus saying- No, I have to die. I have to give my life. I have to be resurrected. Without that, the world is not going to be saved. And Peter's like, No, I don't like that plan. Imagine if God was swayed with all our emotions.

Another reason when no hurts is when we are not already aligned to his purposes. So whenever a situation arises in our life where our purpose and God's purpose collide, we struggle to hear a no from him. Another is when you don't inquire of the Lord before getting involved emotionally, personally, physically, financially, sexually, relationally. You go ahead and you get involved physically, financially, sexually, relationally, emotionally. Now you're too deep. You're in, now you're in too deep. And then God says, no, this is wrong. Don't do it. And now you have a problem. So you leave the church where God is saying no, and you go to another church where you're hoping the same God will say... We're not living with a clear indication from God. We would not have to hear a no from God if we were already on track, if we were already aligned, if we were already on the right track. And so we go to the altar. Joshua and the Gibeonites’ deception. The Israelites made a treaty with the Gibeonites without seeking the Lord's guidance, only to later discover they had been deceived. I speak intently about this in Bold Like Joshua, a whole series that we did many, many years ago, part nine- Now You're Stuck With Us is the title of that sermon. Now they have to live with the Gibeonites That's because Joshua and the people have already gone and made a compromise.

Saul, instead of consulting God, goes and consults a spirit. He consults a medium, 1 Samuel chapter 28. Instead of waiting on the Lord, Saul sought answers from a medium. That was the beginning of his downfall. David, before moving the ark, instead of inquiring of the Lord, 2 Samuel 6, he failed to get God's directions. He gets the ark on his own terms, Uzzah touches it and he dies. Samson wants to get married, he's a good looking guy, he's nice and strong, he's been working on his biceps and triceps and now he wants to get married. Half a dozen girls are giving him attention, now he wants this particular girl who's the cutest of the lot, and the most understanding, she just happens to be an unbeliever. Samson chose to marry a Philistine woman based on his desires rather than seeking God's counsel, and that was the end of Samson. King Rehoboam ignored wise counsel and did not seek God, leading to the division of his entire kingdom. In 2 Chronicles 18 Jehoshaphat allied with a wicked king- Ahab without seeking the Lord, and that landed in him almost dying in a battle. Judah, seeking help from Egypt instead of God, leads to their downfall. You remember Abraham and Hagar? Fun story that one. We're still dealing with the outcomes and he decides to help God out to fulfil his promise for a promised son and he goes and sleeps with Hagar and the rest is history. 

So when you are hurt because of God's no, you need to step back and not say, God, how can you say no, but ask, why was I not already on the altar? It's hurting because I wasn't already aligned to his purposes. It's hurting because I did not inquire of the Lord. I did not have my quiet times. I wasn't in a good enough trusting relationship with God to start with so that I would have known he would have said no. 

No hurts also when you want the best of both worlds. Matthew chapter 6 verse 24 says- No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. You cannot love God and the world at the same time. The systems, we want the best of both worlds. Do we want eternity? Do we want Jesus? Do we want heaven? Yes. We also want everything that this world offers. 

Let me throw in one more. When God says no, it's going to hurt when the flesh is alive and well, and you find yourself wrestling with the spirit every turn, every corner, every bit, morning and afternoon, you're constantly wrestling with the Holy Spirit. Imagine wrestling with the Holy Spirit. Why would you have to do that? Because you're not aligned, because you're not in fellowship, because you're not in tune. Galatians 5: 16- But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Why? There’s a principle at work here. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, - they want two separate things. They want two opposite things. …for these two are opposed to each other. You've got to know you're living with the physical body that has its desires, and you have the Holy Spirit living within you that has opposite desires. You've got the Holy Spirit, you've got your spirit and then you've got the body saying, no, I won't... And that's where you got to understand that sin is fun. Why is sin fun? Because it's doing exactly what the body was told not to do. Sin is always fun and sin is sin because it is exactly against what the spirit is saying. And that is why sin is fun. And normal life, like sex within marriage, like good things in our life are not fun, not appealing, not long term. They don't fulfil long term simply because they are within the right boundaries. It is fun to cross boundaries. It is fun to cross parameters. Sin and fun go together. Rebelling against anything is natural to the flesh. It is in our nature. The body is wired to rebel, and that is why we are dragged and drawn towards sin.The spirit and the body are always at odds. So you have to decide who you are. Who are you? Because if you think that you are your body, then you're going to give into the body. And if you think you’re spirit, then you're going to give into the spirit and you will say no to yourself before God says no to you. It may not hurt as much then. Sin is fun. It's a billion dollar industry. When your wife cheats on you, when your husband cheats on you, that's devastating. It's tragedy. When you're sitting and watching TV, and some wife, some husband cheats on them, that's entertainment…

So what should we do when God says no?? Firstly, humbly submit to his will. Like Jesus in Gethsemane, we should yield to God's perfect plan, trusting that his will is always best. Just yield. Don't think. God is good. Don't ask for some explanation. No. Secondly, seek God's purpose. If I'm not aligned to his purpose, it's probably because I don't know his purpose. Get into the word. Many don't read the Bible every day or have a habit of opening the scriptures and allowing God to talk. So you're saying to God, ‘God, bless me, but don't say anything to me. I don't want to hear anything from you, but bless me’. Ask God, what are you teaching me through this denial? And align yourself.

Stay faithful and continue in obedience. When God says no to you, don't quit church. Don't quit loving God. Don't quit worship. Don't quit your ministry and serving God. Continue to walk in obedience, knowing that his plans are good for you. Your feelings… I feel hurt. You didn't have it 10 years ago. You won't have it 10 years from today. It's your feelings, they won’t last. They are not worth your attention and worship. Satan uses your feelings against you.Your friends use your feelings. Your loved ones and lovers use your feelings. The world uses your feelings. God will not use your feelings. He will defy and deny your feelings. Trust God when he acts in contrast to your feelings. Stay faithful and continue in obedience. 

And lastly, pray for strength and perspective because if you don't see why God is saying no, then the problem is that you don't see. Ask God for grace to trust his decisions. Even when they don't make sense. Lord, my brain can't act. My brain can't figure why you are saying no to me. Lord, help me. Lord, help me. 

So brothers and sisters, the character of God helps us to trust his no. It's not your humility or your ability to take denial. But it's your knowledge of the character of God that helps you to say or trust his no. Firstly, that God is loving. Everything he does is motivated by love. 1 John chapter 4 verse 8.  God is faithful. He never fails to fulfil his promises. Lamentations 3, 22. God is all-knowing. He sees the beginning from the end, the end from the beginning. He sees your whole life in one shot. Psalm 147. Isaiah 55 says, Your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are your ways my waysm declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts thank your thoughts. God is always in control. There's a characteristic of God that you need to know so that you can trust him.  Nothing, nothing, nothing happens outside of his sovereign authority, Daniel chapter 4. 

So let me conclude. God's no is not a sign of rejection or that he doesn't love you. God's no is not a sign that he has gone against you. But an invitation to trust him more deeply. If I say no to you, and I don't give you an explanation for it, I'm banking on your trust in who you know I am, on our relationship, on how far we've journeyed together. It's an invitation to trust him more deeply. Enjoy those invitations. Run in the direction of those invitations. Don't run from God at the worst possible time. When we surrender to his will, we position ourselves to receive a greater yes. When you can take no for an answer, you just prepared yourself for a bigger yes because God always, always does more amazing than you and I ever imagined. His plans are always better than ours. Matthew chapter 7 verse 11 says, If you then, though you are evil, you know how to give good gifts to your children. You do. You know how to give good gifts to your children. How much more will your Father in heaven, give good gifts to those who ask him! God is not saying no because he wants to say no. God is saying no because you don't get his will. You don't get what he's on about.

I’ve learned this the hard way, brothers and sisters, when God says no, ask the questions.- How is He going to blow my mind with a better outcome, with a better solution and a better provision? I thought this was the best, I thought she was the best, I can’t think of a better, greater dream for my life, and God was like, hold on… Just when you think you nailed it, you got through the most fun-nest, greatest plan for your life, then there is that moment when God says no to your plan, and if you can’t deal with that, you’ll never see his plan.

So that’s why our surrender and his character are directly proportionate… our surrender is directly proportionate to our knowledge and trust of his character… Our surrender says, not my will but yours. His character says this, Psalm 84, Verse 11: For the Lord God is a sun and shield, the Lord will give grace and glory… together. No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. When your surrender says not my will but yours, his character says no good thing will he withhold from those who are walking uprightly.

So your prayer should be Lord, I believe, I believe no good thing. No Lord, you always take everything from me… I never get what’s good… everybody else gets what’s good… CUT OUT THAT! Cut out that nonsense, cut out that wrong talk, that wrong way of thinking. Get to a place where you say, Lord I have you in Heaven batting for me. What more do I need? I’m not going to look to any man. I’m not going to look to anyone. I have got you in heaven. I’m going to spend time with you. Lord, I believe…